I've always been a crier. I cry really easily; my mom and pops are the same way. You'd never think that by looking at my dad, but he is a total softy. I blame them for my inability to fight back tears.
This pregnancy thing has brought a whole new level to my tendency to tear.
It is ridiculous. I refuse to be ashamed of it because I recognize that I don't, unfortunately, have much control over it. Luckily, Kevin never makes me feel silly or petty when I cry easily, and he's continued that into this pregnancy. Even when I'm crying watching American Idol, or crying because my jeans don't fit, Kevin is so sweet.
Yesterday, I was at Old Navy, and this little girl stopped breathing. Her mom was holding the daughter, and she was completely limp. They called an ambulance, and I just stood there and watched. The girl started breathing but was gasping for breathe and crying and couldn't keep her head up. She couldn't have been more than two years old. I could not believe how calm the mom was. She was definitely freaked out, but she wasn't screaming or crying or anything. I had to walk over into the clearance section to finally let my sea of emotion and tears out. I couldn't hold it in! It was so intense and terrifying. I fought back tears in line at the check out as I watched the paramedics talk to the mom and check out the girl, and I bawled when I got in my car.
As a mom, how do you deal with stuff like that? I honestly don't think I have the capacity. I mean, I guess you just do because you have to. You're mom. It's part of your job. But, holy cow. I couldn't keep it together, and I didn't even know the people. I really have to trust that God knew what He was doing when He decided it was time for us to have a baby, but I feel totally inadequate. I guess a lot of moms-to-be probably do, but I'm terrified.
I should know more about the status of my job in the next week or so. Prayers are appreciated!
TGIF,
Me.
you know what? as soon as the little girl was in the hands of the paramedics or doctors, or as soon as that mom was home in her hubby's arms, she was crying and shaking, i assure you.
ReplyDeleteadrenalin kicks in, helps you get through, and then as soon as you have a minute to just be you, and not mom-you, your heart breaks about what could have been, and even what was.
i watched the movie Phoebe in Wonderland last night and there was a part where the little girl was weeping because she didn't know why she did what she did and she wanted her mom to know why, but the mom didn't know either... it was so terribly heart wrenching i was trying not to sob.
anyway, you will do great; prayer helps and your momma instincts will kick right in :O)
(and watch that movie if you haven't!)
I am the same way.
ReplyDeleteI cry over things these days that pre-pregnancy I wouldn't have shed a tear.
And trust me.. I know exactly how you feel about feeling inadequate.
It's a scary feeling.
I feel inadequate every day, but every day you do what you have to do and get done what you need to get done knowing that God has given us the tools we need to take care of these gifts He has given us. It also helps to get little hugs and kisses and hear little laughs.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be great!